Jessica is a multi-talented actress, comedian, and writer who I was lucky enough to meet while hosting a comedy show. She will be writing a twice a month column on relationship, dating, and sex advice. If you have any questions you want answered email [email protected] and I’ll get them to her. Also, follow Jess on Twitter @jessmazo and check out her website jessicamazo.com Here is her piece…
I was beyond excited and grateful to have my boyfriend who I loved so much propose to me. It was a huge surprise (as he is a very sarcastic person and made frequent anti-marriage jokes). Initially, I felt so grateful and happy that I could not imagine becoming stressed or experiencing any negative feelings around planning my wedding. I was wrong. However, I learned that these experiences are not uncommon, and it led me to focus on what is really important (the relationship and our commitment to each other).
Here is what may surprise you while planning your wedding:
1) You will learn who your true friends are.
Nothing like a major life event to sort the people in your life into those who deserve to stay in it, and those who don’t.
If one of your “ friends ” cannot say “ congratulations ” to you when you get engaged, yet they expect you to attend their baby shower- they are not your true friend. If you invite someone to your wedding, and they are not considerate enough to RSVP and then acknowledge the fact that you got married, they are not your true friend.
And for those who are there for you during this time in your life, whether in person or just emotionally, appreciate them. They’re your true friends.
2) At least 40% of your guest list will not bother sending in their RSVP’s.
3) Older people have better manners than younger people.
Your parent’s friends, as well as other relatives in your parent’s generation, will generally be more considerate and generous than the people in your age group (if you’re in your 20’s or 30’s). So be gracious about inviting them.
4) Many people will be more excited for you when you get engaged than when you actually get married.
Which is weird because an engagement is really just an intention to get married. According to Time m agazine, as many as 20% of engaged couples break up. The wedding is the real thing!
5) Your engagement is a trial period.
It is your chance to make a final determination that this is the person for whom you want to make a lifetime commitment. Before getting engaged, I knew that I loved my significant other and that I couldn’t imagine my life without him. We talked about all of the important things couples should talk about, like whether or not we want kids, hopes for the future, and finances. But once we got engaged and started actively planning the wedding, everything began to feel real. Whenever he lost his patience with me, for example, if I “ forgot ” to clean up after myself for the tenth time (he’s neat and I’m a slob- opposites attract!) we found ourselves questioning if we were making the right decision.
In the past, when I would hear of people with an ex-fiance, I found it strange. You were together for years, decided to finally take that next step (where I imagined the man making a romantic proposal with the female tearily saying “ yes ”) and…then what happened? Now I get it. It’s your last chance to figure out if you both really want to do this.
6) The way your significant other behaves on the wedding day and towards the planning is probably a good indication of how they’ll be toward your marriage.
How supportive are they? How much are you on the same page?
Although my husband is not someone who likes to be in the spotlight, he gracefully went along with all of the planning and festivities for our wedding. He told me afterwards that all he cared about on our wedding day was for it to be all that I wanted. Now that’s a keeper!